A Scottish director recently unveiled his latest work in which each character represented a country. Intended as a comment on current political situations, it was critically panned as lazy and clumsy, but it did get me thinking. With so many developed or emerging markets, the question of where to invest is often an agonisingly difficult and confusing one. Maybe it’d be easier to simplify things and think of countries or regions in terms of characters, but who would star in Property Investment: The Movie?

Tom Cruise would make a great Spain; both are undoubted stars in their fields but, having been heavily over-hyped during the 90s, they command vast sums and, in terms of getting real value for your money, their best days are probably behind them. France would also require a serious A-lister but perhaps someone a little more chic and noble with ageless beauty. I’d opt for Nicole Kidman as, like buying in France, there’s definitely still potential but it takes the perfect role and a lot of hard work to get any worthwhile results out of her.

Like a glamour model, Florida is often seen as superficial and even a little tacky but millions of people are still taken in by its charms every year. For my movie, I’m going to shock the critics and give Jordan her big screen debut. Like her, in thousands of golf courses and endless theme parks, Florida has two huge attractions.

But what about the smaller emerging markets? Dubai is big, bold and you can’t turn on the TV or open a newspaper without seeing it – Scarlett Johansson would probably just pip Angelina Jolie. Cape Verde, meanwhile, could be the role that Robert Downey Jr. was born to play; so much potential, wonderful to see in full swing but always a risk.

So, what about Cyprus? A few problems in the distant past but now a firm favourite with all the family…it has to be Drew Barrymore. While perennially popular, Drew hasn’t been rammed down our throats and, like property on the island, has always opted for quality rather than quantity. She’s certainly easy on the eye, but her appeal has always been her extra depth and, although she’s a big-hitter, her charisma and girl-for-all-seasons outlook mean you’re getting real value for money. Plus, you can be sure her popularity will only increase with time.

With so much to offer, from beaches to historic buildings, restaurants to ruins, Cyprus would also have to be the setting as well as the star. The only danger would be that the stunning landscape could end up stealing all the scenes from my cast of countries.